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These are my two entries to Quadzilla’s post. Enjoy them

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads:

Floor 1: These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited

—————————————————————–

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Barbara. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

“Good Heavens” said the horrified teacher. “What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?”

“Stay the f**k away from Aunt Barbara when she’s drinking.”

According to Google anyway. I wonder how much longer till I hit the number one spot…

PS Yes, yes, I know Keemo isn’t exactly the most coveted keyword on Google (or any search engine for that matter), but what the hell, it’s just for fun!

Damn, I’m so feeling Kanye’s new song right now.

Got the video link and lyrics below too. I’m sure that I’ll have it memorised in a few days….if you see some guy driving round London with this song playing really loud you’ll know it’s me Enjoy!

Kanye West - The Good Life

Kanye West
Like we always do at this time
I go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky
I g-go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky

T-Pain
I’ma get on this TV mama, I’ma
I’ma put shit down
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, I’m good

Verse 1 Kanye West
Welcome to the good life
Where niggaz that sell D
Won’t even get pulled over in they new V
The good life, let’s go on a living’ spree
Shit they say the best things in life are free
The good life, it feel like Atlanta
It feel like L.A., it feel like Miami
It feel like N.Y., summertime Chi, ahh
(Now throw your hands up in the sky)
So I roll through good
Y’all pop the trunk, I pop the hood, Ferrari
And she got the goods
And she got that ass, I got to look, sorry
Yo it’s got to be cause I’m seasoned
Haters give me them salty looks, Lowry’s
50 told me go ‘head switch the style up
And if they hate then let ‘em hate
And watch the money pile up, the good life

Hook
Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky
Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky

T-Pain
I’ma get on this TV mama, I’ma
I’ma put shit down
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, I’m good
Verse 2 Kanye West

Welcome to the good life
Where we like the girls who ain’t on TV
Cause they got more (Ass than the models)
The good life, so keep it coming’ with the bottles
Till she feel boozed like she bombed out Apollo
The good life, it feel like Houston
It feel like Philly, it feel like D.C.
It feel like VA, or the Bay, or Ye
Ayy, this is the good life

Homie, tell me what’s good
Why I only got a problem when you in the hood
Like I’m new in the hood, the only thing I wish?
(I wish a nigga would)
He probably think he could, but, but
I don’t think he should
50 told me go ‘head switch the style up
And if they hate then let ‘em hate
And watch the money pile up, the good life

Hook
Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky
Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine
Now throw your hands up in the sky

T-Pain
I’ma get on this TV mama, I’ma
I’ma put shit down
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, I’m good

Verse 3
Have you ever popped champagne on a plane
While getting’ some brain
Whipped it out, she said “I never seen snakes on a plane”
Whether you broke or rich you gotta get biz
Having’ money’s the everything that having’ it is
I was splurging’ on trizz
But when I get my car back activated
I’m back to Vegas cause
I always had a passion for flashing’ before I had it
I close my eyes and imagine, the good life

T-Pain
Is the good life better than the life I live
When I thought that I was gonna go crazy
And now my grandmamma ain’t the only girl calling me baby
And if you feeling’ me now then put your hands up in the sky
And let me hear you say hey, hey, hey, ooh
I’m good

Most free online TV sites from six months ago are now either offline or very slow to load up. I’ve made a list of free online TV sites that actually work and don’t require any downloads or any payment. Enjoy!
FreeTube: http://freetube.us.tc
Streamick: http://www.streamick.com
TVlinks: http://www.tv-links.co.uk
PeekVid: http://peekvid.com
Chooseandwatch: http://chooseandwatch.com
Channelking: http://channelking.com
Your TV links: http://yourtvlinks.com